10 Signs a Predator is Grooming your Family
TRIGGER WARNING: Discussions of CSA and Predatory Behavior
While we do the best we can to empower our children with an awareness of body education, consent, and safety, we can often overlook one of the biggest parts of keeping our children safe from predators. That’s Prevention. Knowing the warning signs of grooming behavior toward families is imperative in protecting your children.
Given 90% of CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) happens at the hands of people a family knows and trusts, as opposed to strangers, most adults aren’t aware of the signs. From experience, I say that the more YOU know, the less likely your family will be targeted.
Predators are extremely manipulative and will ‘play the long game’ if they feel it will eventually allow them to gain private access to your child. Their first step is to “Groom” which is the process by which a predator builds trust with a child. But grooming isn’t limited to just the child and often starts with the parent/caregiver in order to gain their trust first. Once that trust is established, the game is on, and the steps toward exploiting them sexually, physically, or emotionally can begin.
Here are ten signs a predator may have you in their sights:
They pay excessive attention to your child, giving them gifts or taking them on outings alone. This can be an attempt to build a relationship of trust and to create a sense of friendship and/or dependency.
They are overly eager to gain information from you about your child. They ask a lot of questions about your child and only wish to discuss them and their interests.
They will use the child’s interests to connect and establish camaraderie by claiming to have the same interests.
They will go above and beyond to be of service to parents/caregivers and do all they can to maintain an excellent and upstanding image in your eyes.
They lavishly purchase gifts or treats for your child, outside of their birthday, holiday, or special occasion.
They’re very affectionate with your children (hugging/touching/tickling) in a non-sexual way in front of parents or caregivers. This gives your child the illusion that being touched by them is safe and accepted by the parents/caregivers, and sets the baseline for a level of physical contact that they will gradually increase over time.
They pretend to act like a good friend or even ‘best friends’ with your child, often offering their sympathetic ear and will always take the child’s side over the parents to show support and loyalty to the child.
Will offer to babysit for you, frequently, and often unsolicited.
Tries to isolate the child from their friends and family, or encourage secrecy about their interactions and discussions. Often will use language like “they won’t understand us” or “they would be upset if they knew” to the child when referring to parents and caregivers.
Tells the child inappropriate jokes or stories, shows images or videos of an explicit nature, and possibly even ‘accidentally’ exposes themselves when in private. (This is a BIG red flag and is a clear indication they now feel comfortable and are about to engage in some form of abuse with your child)
While a lot of these on their own would seem and could be harmless, collectively, they are textbook signs that your family is actively being groomed. It can happen to any family, but predators will always choose families that they feel have little to no awareness of grooming or these tips, so making it known that you practice predator safety in your home is a huge deterrent.
It's essential to be vigilant and talk openly with your family about body education, consent, and safety, along with the warning signs. If you’re looking for tools to help, we have several titles to assist you in navigating this topic with your children.
Armed with the right information, you can help to prevent your family from falling victim of grooming behavior, whether it be in person or online.